Healthy relationships: Part II
(EDITORS NOTE: The following story is written by a Lock Haven University intern for the Clinton County Women’s Center in honor of February as Healthy Relationship and Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. The story is the last of three, to spread awareness about what individuals can do if they are in an unhealthy relationship.)
Relationships fall into a continuum from healthy to unhealthy. Unhealthy relationships can be defined in a number of ways. Just because a relationship is not physically abusive, does not mean that it is healthy. If you are in a healthy relationship you should feel respected by your partner. You should be able to communicate your thoughts and feelings openly with them without fear. You should feel that your partner respects you and the boundaries you set. Both partners in a healthy relationship should have equal say. Your partner should allow you to spend time with other people without getting overly jealous or making you feel guilty about spending time with friends and family. If you are experiencing problems in any of these areas, there are ways to improve your relationship.
Talking about and setting reasonable boundaries with your partner is a way to form a healthy relationship. Talking about boundaries can make both partners feel safe within the relationship. You and your partner should know one another’s goals, fears and limits.
One boundary that can be discussed is time together or apart. We tend to spend a lot of time with our partners because they make us feel great, however time apart is important too because it allows us to maintain relationships with our family and friends. Spending time apart also is important because it helps partners to not feel suffocated. Sexual boundaries also should be discussed. If you are not ready, don’t rush. Remember, there’s no rule that says you have to go so far by a certain time in a relationship.
Also remember that sex is not currency, just because your partner does something nice for you or says “I love you,” doesn’t mean you owe them.
Finally, in today’s technology-based society, digital boundaries should be discussed. What are the rules for your relationship on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and any other social media? Is it OK to tag your partner in this? Can you post about your relationship online? Is it OK to use each other’s digital devices? Are you Facebook official? Another digital boundary that should be discussed is sending photos over messaging apps. Your partner should know whether or not you are comfortable with them sending you photos, and if they do send you one, do you feel obligated to reciprocate? These all are matters that should be discussed.
We all deserve to be in a relationship where we feel comfortable, safe and cared for. Setting boundaries is a way to make this a reality.
If you are experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship and would like help, Clinton County Women’s Center, 34 W. Main St. Lock Haven, is a non-profit private organization with a 24 hour hotline, counseling, legal and medical advocacy. The center can be reached by phone at 570-748-9509. Services are always free and confidential. All services are provided regardless of race, income, sex, sexual orientation, handicap, ethnicity or religion.