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Looking back

Area seniors share insights on life

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­ive area senior citizens recently were asked by the Sun-Gazette what it means to them to grow older. They were asked about regret, challenges and also to reflect on their sweetest memories.

Alice DeWire, 97, Anne Bulkley, 85 and Barb Spotts, 87, all of Hughesville; Vanetta Akers, 78, of Picture Rocks; and Dr. Thomas Shoemaker, 95, of Dushore all agreed that deterioration of the body is a sour fact of aging. There are true aches and pains, illnesses and operations — but the irony is that the mind is still young and can’t figure out why its body has betrayed it. But the mind is over-ruled — the result, restriction. Old selves cannot do what young selves once did, no matter how willing.

Given these restrictions, what does the older set miss most? Bulkley misses traveling in the U.S. and abroad. “And going to see my children and grandchildren; I just won’t fly anymore,” she said.

Shoemaker expressed a wistfulness for hiking in the woods, and driving. “You have to drive to get just about anywhere, except maybe the cemetery — I could probably get there,” he said with a wink.

Spotts misses trips to Alaska and going to live performances, especially musicals. DeWire said she misses — everything!

And Akers, the “kid” in this group, said “I still do most things I want to do. And I like that I can also just say ‘no’ if I don’t want to.”

Unanimously, each believes there is much joy to be found in these unyoung years. It’s found in spending time with family and friends. Besides the love and fun they bring, help and support is provided whenever it’s needed.

Neighbors and special helpers also are highly prized. “They’re always doing something wonderful for me, including bringing lots of food,” DeWire said.

Shoemaker, a still-practicing veterinarian, has a neighbor, Marty, who helps him in his practice — runs errands and takes him to many of his doctor’s appointments. “Of course I have my daughter and son-in-law; we live together, and it’s a good thing,” Shoemaker added.

Spotts is thankful for her husband, Ray, “I’m happy because he’s here; he’s a wonderful mate,” she said.

Pets, especially dogs, also play a role in a happy life for many. “They’re companions,” Shoemaker said. His companion, Layla, is 10 in human years, 70 in dog years.

Akers has two dogs, Lucy and Kelly, an Irish setter that was a service dog for her husband, Don, in his last years of life. “I surprised Don on his birthday one of the times he was in the hospital and feeling pretty down,” she said as she smoothed the dog’s copper ears. “He’d always loved Irish setters. We sat out on the steps at rehab and when I told him, he was so excited!” Akers smiled at the memory. She and a friend, a professional, trained Kelly to be a service dog.

“Don loved that dog — he was in a wheelchair and if he dropped something, Kelly would pick it up and put it in his lap,” She said. Kelly also opens cupboard doors and refrigerators, though she wasn’t trained to do so.

When asked whether spirituality and church are important to them, only one declared himself an “independent” — all others counted on their religion. “I’ve always trusted God, even through heartbreaking events; I still do,” Bulkley said.

Spotts finds peace in church and the music makes her feel happy.

Music always has seemed to be appreciated by many seniors. DeWire favors hymns like “Great is Thy Faithfulness;” Akers loves “Old Cape Cod,” because she and her husband honeymooned there; and Bulkley named “Day by Day” and several classical scores as her favorites. For Spotts, music of the 40s — Benny Goodman and Glenn Miller. Shoemaker was in several bands, including Penn State’s Blue Band, mostly playing the piccolo. He fondly recalled “Sailor’s Hornpipe” as a favorite. He took time out from questions during the interview to play a little tune on his clay sweet potato.

Along with family and friend time, church and music, their other pleasurable activities include Card Club, choir, reading, quilting groups, alter guilds, Lion’s Club, chorale, crocheting and needlepoint.

The most worrisome part of most of their lives seemed to be while their children were young — worrying about the little ones’ health, keeping them fed and getting them through school. The combined total of children for the five seniors — 22.

But with as much as the group worried about their children, they also brought them the fondest memories — the sweetest times in their lives. Someone once said that God gave us memories so that we might have roses in December. “On the farm, when the kids were growing up and we were pretty young, and all so busy,” Spotts said. “Oh, those were good times.”

“I can see all six of them gathered around the table! What a gang,” Shoemaker said.

No one in the group has any real regrets about their lives. “I’ve gotten to rock all 26 of my great-grandchildren, and my only great-great grandchild,” DeWire said. “What more could I want?”

Shoemaker said that he doesn’t regret anything, he’s been happy, but has “wonderings.” “What would have happened if I’d stayed in the Navy, or kept teaching or if we’d settled somewhere else? Maybe we all think about those kinds of things,” he said.

Akers shared that she had wanted to be an airline hostess, but she never finished the training. “I got married instead; that’s what I wanted. But every once in a while, I think about the hostess thing,” Akers said.

Many say as you get older, you experience the “golden years,” but a many of those interviewed don’t believe them to be so. “No, I’ve lost two of my children, and that’s just too …” said DeWire.

Sadness was expressed about missing their spouses. But there also were some wry smiles, and Spotts’s eyebrows shot up as she answered, “Golden years? About as golden as my urine!”

Some of those interviewed have a philosophy on life or a Mantra to live by. Akers said to “do what we want and if we have a chance to go, go!”

Shoemaker’s mantra is “work, eat — but not too much — and get lots of sleep. You’ll feel better.”

DeWire said to keep laughing. Bulkley said, “Try to make others come first, as much as possible.”

Spotts said to “Watch what you eat, get exercise and love people.”

This small sampling of the older generation seem to have done much of life right. They’re positive, waste no time on regrets, gather and laugh, have faith, treasure their memories and believe in taking care of themselves and helping others. Worth noting.

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