11 brilliant inventions for my patients, pets and me

11 brilliant inventions for my patients, pets and me

Somebody already invented the self-cleaning litter box, though thus far, improvements are needed. Automated pet food dishes and self-locking pet doors are also available. Pet trackers are a work in progress, but can only get better as technology advances. There are apps that claim to help train pets. Some apps claim to be pet interpreters. We can order pet food and supplies online and have them delivered to our homes. Apps can be used to hire a dog walker and monitor their activities. There are remote cameras available for looking in on pets at home from other locations. Someone even invented toys that can be activated by the pets themselves: for instance, an automated ball-thrower eliminates the need for human interaction in the “tedious” game of fetch.

We are busy people, and some inventions truly are a godsend, saving time and money, keeping us organized and helping us give our pets the clean, safe, exercised lives they deserve, even when we aren’t able to be physically present.

With all of these new-fangled conveniences, I’m going to throw my hat in the ring and offer up some of my brilliant ideas for inventions that could help keep my patients healthy, my pets happy, and me less-stressed. If any entrepreneurial folks out there wish to work with me on bringing any of these to market, I’m listening. Here are 11 of my best for consideration:

1. Sock filter. Prevents ingestion of socks. Also prevents ingestion of rocks, sticks, gloves, underpants, Barbie, pudding cups, balls of yarn, needles and thread, ribbon, and wire twisty-ties.

2. Surgical Zipper. For the repeat offender who can’t resist swallowing non-food items, and for which my Sock Filter(patent pending) is ineffectual, this little beauty, once surgically implanted, will allow the surgeon simply to unzip the belly, reach into the stomach quickly, remove the offending item(s) and then (ZIP!) all better in no time, ready for the next ill-advised meal of indigestibles.

3. Self-deploying brush. Self-explanatory, and a real time-saver. Did I mention it’s also self-cleaning? A must-have with Golden Retrievers and Persian cats.

4. Automatic hole filler. Have a doodle that likes to dig? Tired of spending valuable time at the ER with another sprained ankle from tripping in your doodle’s holes? Lawnmower in the shop, AGAIN, after another incident with a doodle hole? No 17-year-old boy to press into service to fill said holes? What if those holes filled themselves? This device is for you!

5. Pooper scooper robot, complete with containment, sanitization, and elimination functions. Enough said.

6. Gravity/Anti-gravity boots. Two nifty features in one great product! The gravity setting weighs down the paws to prevent leaping over fences and digging holes. The anti-gravity setting allows disabled pets to float effortlessly up/down stairs, on/off furniture, or in/out of vehicles, preventing falls and saving owners from heavy lifting. Available in sets of two or four. Self-adjusting.

7. New medication flavors for dogs: Cat poo, rabbit poo, underpants, sticks, grass, spoiled meat, festering sore, chocolate cake. 100% palatability and safety guaranteed.

8. New medication flavors, shapes, and textures for cats: Spider plant, “baby’s breath” plant, Easter grass, deadly Easter Lily, yarn, mouse, plastic bag, house fly, and thinly-sliced lunch meat. Palatability 100% guaranteed, and will not induce vomiting or death.

9. A magic portal that reads cats’ minds. I call it “Open SesaMEOWY.” Do you have doors in your house that you’d rather not keep open 24/7, but your cat feels differently? Are your cat’s demands for entry and re-entry putting a strain on your relationship? Here is the answer to your prayers.

10. Rabbit launcher. It won’t hurt them, just gives them a gentle, but effective boost out of the yard at 5 a.m. This invention will save lives, especially if used in a dachshund and doodle-patrolled yard. Companion product: Squirrel Punter:hurls them MUCH farther and higher than the Rabbit Launcher (patent pending). Bundled price for both purchased together.

11. Attention getter. This one saddens me, but it needs to be invented. It is a device that deactivates all electronic devices, and makes it impossible to hold onto anything except a pet’s leash while out on a walk. With this device, cigarettes, beverages, ear buds and cellphones — anything at all that distracts a person from fully engaging with their pet on a walk outside — are rendered useless for the length of the outing. With this ingenious item, there is no choice but to bond and enjoy the experience. No apps required. Recharges human and animal batteries naturally with organic, environmentally friendly, renewable energy. Sound corny? Well, maybe — in which case, it’s not grain-free — but it’s worth a try.

— Daverio is a veterinarian at Williamsport West Veterinary Hospital. Her column is published every other Sunday in the Lifestyle section. She can be reached at life@sungazette.com.

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