What I’m zoned for

I am zoned for empty cigarette packs and butts in my yard, (even though we don’t smoke!).I am zoned for broken whiskey and beer bottles in my yard, (not mine). I am zoned for any body and their brother to walk through my yard. I am zoned for chicken bones, KFC’s, McDonalds, Burger King and WAWA trash (where is the closest WAWA?) in my yard.

I am zoned for anyone to trash my garden and steal my garden tools. I am zoned for having my vehicle broken into twice.

I am zoned for having my wife’s vehicle broken into three times. I am zoned for my vehicles being vandalized. I am zoned for my vehicle being involved in a hit and run by a drunk while it was parked on the street.I am zoned for shootings and stabbings. I am zoned for total strangers parking in my yard for parades ( or for whatever reason they want).

I just found out I am not “zoned” to park our own vehicles in the yard to prevent further vandalism.

Our property has apparently been designated some kind of urban degradation zone.

Thank you Dr. Mayor your doing a bang up job! Should I drop my keys off at city hall or just leave my house and vehicles unlocked.

This is apparently my “it stops on day one” kind of moment. He can’t stop real crime so trample on law abiding citizens.

If you see me in my yard, please call 911! I am the real menace!

Mark Weisel


Submitted by Virtual Newsroom