I remember where I was when I was first introduced to Honey Boo Boo Child. It was a beautiful day and I was sitting at my desk when a friend, who is a YouTube connoisseur, sent me a link and said, "WATCH THIS." I didn't think twice about it, as this particular friend has never failed me in the epic-YouTube-video-department.
What I didn't know is that I would be completely enthralled, laughing almost to tears, and at the same time, scared for the future of America. This girl was great. Pure entertainment.
The video was of a Honey Boo Boo interview with Dr. Drew, where the world was introduced to "A dolla makes me holla!" and her signature, "Go-Go Juice," which is Red Bull and Mountain Dew mixed together. Essentially, a death mix.
This family was made for reality TV. Forget "Hoarders," forget "Real World," forget "The Bachelor." "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" is where it's at. If you've never seen this show, you're in for a big old punch of redneck, down and dirty, "OH MY GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY JUST DID-SAID THAT ON TV" moments.
The key players in "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" are as follows:
Alana, 6, aka, Honey Boo Boo, the show's namesake. She competes in pageants, performing with makeup and frilly dresses. She has a pet pig named Glitzy, and tells the audience to "Redneckognize."
Lauryn, 12, "Pumpkin," is described by Alana as "the craziest." If you do a quick Google search, you'll find that she was caught recently feeding Mountain Dew to a newborn. I'm really excited to see more from her.
Anna, 17, "Chickadee," is described by Alana as "the pregnant-ist," if that is a word. She hasn't done anything except represent that Down South, redneck-family portrait. I'm wondering if their family tried to be on "16 and Pregnant" first!
Jessica, 15, "Chubbs," is Alana's "favoritist BFF." In the first episode, Jessica is concerned about her weight and issues, while they all eat cheese curls for breakfast.
June, "Mama," is the matriarch of the this prestigious clan. Her favorite things include the word "beautimous" and couponing, which she claims is better than sex.
Dad, "Sugar Bear," is, as June says, her "Baby Daddy." He keeps pretty quiet. I'm sure he's thrilled with the fact that America gets to see their family's ins-and-outs. I'm pretty sure he just mostly sleeps.
The first episode is a doozy in itself. We are introduced to this family. And believe me, they do not hold back. They only wash their hair in the kitchen sink, and they all like to lounge in the living room in a very polite manner. June burps and farts on camera and during the one-on-one interviews. It's entertainment at it's finest.
The children claim they are not rednecks, with the validation that they have their teeth, yet they attend a redneck festival that includes mud-flopping, bobbing for pig's feet, and swimming in a body of water that posts signs that there is bacteria in it.
Don't forget the abundance of buttcracks, Budweiser, missing teeth and crop tops and top it all off with mullets. The people who attend the festival are even more entertaining than Honey Boo Boo's family.
You also will notice they need subtitles for most of what comes out of the family's mouth in its entirety. THEY SPEAK ENGLISH and need subtitles. But you know what, we're still watching. The show has come under fire for promoting unhealthy habits, and June has been accused of "child abuse" by giving Alana the Go-Go Juice. Her reply was, "At least it's not alcohol."
The whole premise of this show is to go on the journey of training for a big pageant that's coming up at the end of the summer. Alana has never won a grand title and she intends on accomplishing this with the help of coaches and new outfits. Personally, child pageants creep me out. A lot. Toddlers wearing more makeup than an adult. I've even seen a show where the mother of a child put butt and boob "implants" in her daughter's costume.
I'm not sure that this family knew what was in store when they signed on to be a part of this show and let America into their household and lives. TLC is doing pretty well with pimping Honey Boo Boo and her family out; you can't watch the channel without seeing a commercial for the show and the family has made their rounds to all media outlets. I dare you to find out for yourselves. Check out "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo," on TLC at 10 p.m. Wednesdays.