I am thinking of getting a gym membership, because I want to be fit and healthy. Oh, I don't plan on going, I actually plan to sit at home and eat Doritos, but since I see that a lot of fit, healthy people have gym memberships, and I want to be fit and healthy, then I should get a membership, too. And if I am not fit and healthy after a few weeks, then I think it is only right that someone should pay! It is not fair that some who have a gym membership are healthy, and some like myself are not. Just because they work out, and sweat and sacrifice their time and effort and I don't, shouldn't make a difference. I should be able to sue the gym for a membership that is not producing results, or even the makers of Doritos.
Maybe, the ones who are fit and healthy should pay for my membership since they get the most out of going to the gym, they should contribute the most for others less healthy and fit.
That would be silly. I should go, but everyone knows it is a lot of work, and I wouldn't want to work that hard! All of those heavy weights, and the running, and bending and stretching; too much effort. It should be fair for everyone that goes to the gym. If I can't do it, nobody should.
So maybe they could get rid of all of the heavy weights, and slow down the treadmills, and make sure nobody touches their toes! Better yet, they could provide me a lazyboy, and free Doritos, and to top it off, I should get rewarded for just showing up! After all, it is the modern American way of thinking.
Submitted by Virtual Newsroom