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Dads as a member of the male species have one glaring flaw: hygiene deficiency. You see, God made Adam out of dirt, and that is why guys can live in filth and have little sense of cleanliness. When God made Adam, He immediately saw that Adam had a hygiene deficiency. He had no sense about sanitation, so God remedied the problem when He made Eve. That is why God made Eve out of Adam's rib, and not out of dirt, to correct this problem. Women are more into hygiene and cleanliness. Everything I know about good hygiene I learned from my mother or my wife.
My father, the refined character he was, used to drink milk, or any beverage for that matter, right out of the carton or pitcher in the fridge. I followed his fine example. My father had other wonderful traits that he modeled for me that put my mother into paroxysms of disgust. He would dip the ice cream and lick the dipper between each serving. It was his way to be sure the spoon was "clean" between each dish. It would have never occurred to me that this was not a good practice had my mother not reprimanded him continually. Another one of his brilliant ideas on how to clean a dripping ketchup bottle was to lick the top of the bottle before returning it to the refrigerator. He could never understand my mother's outrage since he thought he was wiping it off and saving a napkin in the process. (For guys, practicality trumps cleanliness.) Unfortunately, where my mother left off, my wife had to pick up.
One time my wife, Cathy, and I were traveling, and we stopped at Subway for lunch. We ordered a twelve-inch sub sandwich to share. Upon opening the wrapper, we discovered it needed to be cut in half. So I reached in my pocket for my handy pocket knife to cut the sandwich. "No you don't," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"When was the last time you gutted a fish with that knife?"
"At least two weeks ago, and I wiped the knife on my pants. What's the problem?"
"The problem is you are not going to cut the sandwich with that dirty knife!"
"Very well then," I said. "Shall we take it to the ER and have a surgeon do it?"
"No, I'll just take it back to the deli counter and ask them to cut it in half."
Dads and hygiene have been a long standing problem. Just look at Joseph, the step-father of Jesus. Who do you think came up with the idea to put baby Jesus in the cattle feeding trough? I don't know any new mother who would have thought putting their first newborn in a manger was a good idea, even if it had fresh hay!
Here is the difference between dads and moms; Joseph saw the feeding trough as a practical solution to having to hold the baby. Mary looked at a feeding trough, and all she saw was the snotty noses of cows and their slimy, slobbering tongues licking up the hay out of the trough.
So on this Father's Day weekend, we should give thanks to God that we survived our fathers' hygiene deficiency. We should give our dads a big hug because they can't help it; they were made from dirt.
Rev. David Mansfield, retired Disciples of Christ pastor