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When Linda Tokay, who with her husband Joe have been foster parenting for around 30 years, is asked what would you tell someone who is considering taking that step, she is quick to fire back, "Do it."
The Tokays' journey began when they first got married. At that time the American Rescue Workers operated a homeless shelter in their former church building on Ross Street and Joe and Linda worked there. Joe did the cooking and maintenance and Linda worked with the women.
When the shelter closed they knew they wanted to do something to help, so they decided to invite a couple of the people from the shelter into their home. One woman almost set their basement on fire and following other things that had happened they were urged by a former co-worker who was a foster parent that foster parenting might be where they could do the most good.
"She said, 'my gosh, you guys really need to try to help kids because kids seem to remember, retain and at least take what they learn with them,'" Linda shared.
They waited a little bit to start foster parenting until their son was a little bit older.
"Then in that scenario, we started foster parenting," Linda said.
Initially they had asked to foster the really hard kids which were called treatment at the time, but soon found that it upset their own children, because of the way the foster kids would talk to Linda and Joe.
"We backed off on the treatment and just kind of helped the average kid-parents struggling-that type of thing," she said.
"We told Children and Youth once our kids are gone, we want to take the harder kids," she added.
A few years ago, the Tokays were chosen for the SWAN Award which is given by Pennsylvania's Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network (SWAN) to outstanding foster parents. At that time they estimated that the Tokays had fostered nearly 75 children. Joe estimated that it's well over 100 by now.
"We love it and we're still doing it. We just absolutely love kids and it breaks my heart the way kids are being brought up today. And I won't blame parents either...it's just a vicious cycle," Linda said.
"So, if there's some way that we can help these kids and give them the tools to make it. Of course we make church and all that an important part," she added.
They both began working with a youth group, YMAC, 19 years ago, which they said has been a beneficial tool for helping their foster children realize that there are kids that are struggling with the same things as they are even though they live at home.
"So, God has really brought all that together and it's amazing and heartbreaking the stories that you hear...and then you say no wonder," she said.
Through the years, the Tokays house has expanded as their compassion grew to help more of the children. Joe built an addition on their three-bedroom house to accommodate more foster children. Two of their foster children they have adopted and they have become the Permanent Legal Custodian (PLC) for four of them
"We basically become their legal guardian," Joe explained.
"We've done that recently and it's just a commitment to say we're here. So then they're no longer in foster care," Linda said.
"They don't have a caseworker. They don't have to go to court anymore. That's all kind of done," Joe said. "It's basically adoption without changing their name."
By the time a foster child reaches that point, Linda noted, "you've grown so attached, you probably know them more than their own parents."
Some families might not want to foster for fear of having a child who was violent. Linda said that for the most part, they really have not experienced that. There was one incident which resulted in the foster child going into treatment.
"They sent her there and they were like, 'well, we know you don't want her back. We're like, yeah we do. Yeah, we do," Linda said.
"We had made a connection with her, she made a mistake. A lot of these kids are afraid of love because it's so foreign to them...isn't that sad? It is sad," she said.
Joe pointed out that a lot of times the foster kids don't want to order food in a restaurant because they're afraid of being punished for making a mistake.
They both agreed that they have seen a change in the children through their years of fostering.
"It's amazing when given the chance, how much these kids open up and you just go in your room and cry because you think,'Thank God for good parents and unfortunately not everybody has that,'" she said.
Some of the kids they've fostered who are now adults come back to visit.
"We've had kids come back and stay overnight. We always wanted our home to be that place. Whether it was homeless people in our beginnings or it was kids. Now it's kids. You just have a love for them and a love for it and want the very best for these kids who were dealt a terrible hand," Linda said.
"It's so good to see some of the kids we've had become good parents," Joe said.
Linda urges people who are considering fostering to "take the chance and love these kids. You won't regret it."
"It doesn't take much to love kids. It really doesn't. Is it tough at times? Yeah, but it is worth it. It is so worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat. We'll do it as long as we're physically able," she said.