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Vigil of Hope and Remembrance honors domestic violence victims

By Pat Crossley 5 min read

It is a solemn ceremony, the "Vigil of Hope and Remembrance," as members of the community, including the families of the victims, gather at YWCA Northcentral to honor those whose lives were extinguished through acts of domestic violence.

And, unfortunately, the place settings at the table where no one will sit, grew again this year as Jonette M. Crossley, who was killed by her boyfriend earlier this year, was added.

"She was a beautiful soul, a loving and devoted mother, a cherished daughter and a dear friend." The words were read as a candle was lit in Jonette's honor.

These 29 people, who were remembered, were mothers, fathers, loving and caring.There were children, some as young as five, innocents, victims of domestic violence.

Little Kalib Nash Blase, who was known for his "shining spirit and his love of learning and play," delighted in the color orange and looked forward to Halloween. His life ended on his fifth birthday in 2002.

Domestic violence not only affects women. Scott "Scotty" M. Cole became a victim in 2017. He was 36 when he was killed by a significant other.

Cole's words of remembrance read that he "loved the color blue and was fond of saying, 'hey boo.' He had a wonderful spirit and took joy in making others smile."

"We gather tonight to remember those who have lost their lives by domestic violence and to recognize the profound and lasting impact of this violence on the people who love them," said Amber Morningstar, the YWCA's chief executive officer.

"Domestic violence often happens behind closed doors, hidden from public view, but its consequences reach far beyond the home, leaving families grieving, children affected and loved ones trying to navigate a loss that never should have happened," she said.

Lori Parker attends every year. Her sister, Dolores "Dee" Wilson was murdered in 1996.

"She was deeply loved as a mother and for her strength, loyalty and commitment to her children," Parker read as a candle was lit for her sister.

"What endures is not the manner of her death, but the life she built and the love she poured into her five children. That love continues to move on through them always," Parker said, adding, "She was my sister."

Kirsten Miller, YWCA legal advocacy supervisor, pointed out that domestic violence is not something that just happens somewhere else.

"Domestic violence is not just a stat. It is not just a headline we read and move past. It is not something that happens somewhere else to someone else. It happens in our own community, it happens behind closed doors in homes that may look just like ours. It affects people of every age, background, and walk of life. And far too often, the warning signs are hidden behind silence, fear, shame, and the hope that things will somehow get better tomorrow," Miller said.

Miller stressed that every victim deserves safety, love and the chance to live without fear.

"Because behind every name on these plates is a person who had a dream, who laughed, who loved, and who made plans for tomorrow. Someone who had a favorite song, a favorite place, a favorite person, someone whose absence has left a space that can never truly be filled," she said.

Those in attendance were urged to do more than just remember the victims.

"We must be willing to listen when someone reaches out, we must recognize the signs of abuse. We must challenge the attitudes that excuse controlling, threatening, and violent behavior. We must support survivors without judgment and remind those who are suffering in silence that help is available. Because remembrance without action is not enough," Miller said.

"We cannot change what happened to those we have lost, but we can change what happens next. We can choose to speak up. We can create a community where survivors are supported, where abuse is taken seriously, and where no one must wonder whether anyone will care enough to help," she said.

She said that the hope of the vigil is that fewer families will have to grieve someone that they love whose life has ended through domestic violence.

"Hope that one day the words domestic violence will no longer be followed by another name, another tragedy, another candlelight in memory of someone who should still be here, and hope that together we can build a future where love does not hurt, where home is a safe place, and where every person can live free from violence," Miller said.

"May the light of every candle remind us that even in our darkest moments, hope remains. May the silence of this evening speak for those whose voices were taken from them, and may our presence here tonight be more than a moment of remembrance. May it be a promise-a promise that we will not forget, a promise that we will not look away, a promise that we will continue to stand with survivors, honor those that we have lost, and work towards a world where domestic violence has no place," she said.

During his invocation, Kevin Hadley, Wise Options medical advocate and prevention education, prayed that those attending the vigil would have "the courage to do more than light a candle."

"Let his light be a symbol of our promise to speak out against abuse, to challenge the silence, to support survivors without judgment," Hadley said.

"May we become a community that listens, believes, protects and empowers. May we never turn away from someone in need and may we remember that even the smallest act of kindness can become a lifeline to someone who is suffering," he said.

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